Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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