I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
