So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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