Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I believe in your delicious
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
