The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
