I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
