they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
