yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
