Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
