none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
