Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
