I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
