I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
