I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
