i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
