He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
