you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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