question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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