it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
