then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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