i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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