It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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