PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
