I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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