Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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