2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
