I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize