they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They took my balls.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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