I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
