Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
