Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
