That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have post one night stand depression
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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