see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
