My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
