I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
