maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
