he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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