Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
