She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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