Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
My room smells like vodka and shame
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
