You can't special order awesome
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
