: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
