first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
