I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
