There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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