sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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