I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
