dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
