OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
