The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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