she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
