In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
