she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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