we have officially lost it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
