I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
