"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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