When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
