Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
