Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
