Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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