Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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