I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
