I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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