I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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