I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
