I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
