Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
