yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
