someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
