Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
