walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
