Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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