Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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